Developing Charisma
Developing charisma is something everyone can do. Some people believe that charisma is something innate, something that you either have or don’t have – but charisma is a quality that you can cultivate.
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Now the fact that I say “everyone can be charismatic” doesn’t mean that everyone will. Because you have to do something, it takes a kind of mental discipline to develop charisma. Sometimes you’ll have to push yourself to do things that make you feel uncomfortable, sometimes you’ll have to expose a little more about yourself than you might feel is appropriate. But ultimately, charisma is what a person radiates who is comfortable in expressing his or her own feelings, wishes, ideas and concerns.
Many people also are under the wrong impression that being charismatic means high-faluting talk, always impressing others. But that’s not charisma. That’s being a jerk.
Charisma is about how you make the other person feel. It seems paradox, but the person that is truly charismatic is the person that makes us feel important, as if we’re the center of the universe. It’s a great feeling, because after all, we really are the center of the universe – at least to ourselves. And it’s hard enough to come across someone who get’s and appreciates that. That’s why we value these rare encounters so highly.
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But it’s not about clinging to another person’s words either. It’s not about putting the other person on a pedestal in some kind of false humility. That’s just sucking up. It’s a conversation between two people who both value and respect themselves and each other highly.
Now I realize all of this is still quite abstract, and we’ll be getting to some good nuts-and-bolts stuff, concrete action steps that you can take for developing charisma.
Speak in short sentences, and use simple words.
This is a very simple rule. Charismatic people generally don’t talk in long-winded sentences full of ifs, shoulds, coulds, mights, maybes, perhaps’ and so on. They know what they want. They express it. Clearly. They don’t need flowery language to dress up their statements, because they believe that what they say has enough value in and of itself.
Get out of your comfort zone.
So many people only do what they feel like doing, or what they have to do (because otherwise they’ll get in trouble that is much more unpleasant than doing what they don’t feel like doing).
If you want to develop your charisma, you have to get comfortable with being uncomfortable. Sometimes you’ll need to take a leap of faith, sometimes you’ll have to act more courageous than you feel inside.
Most people won’t do this. Most people will prefer to just read a book, visit a self-help seminar, watch some clips online about developing charisma – but they’ll do it all half-assed. And every kind of charisma training program worth it’s salt will include exercises – and most people won’t do any of these exercises. Why? Because it’s hard. Because it takes guts. But you have guts. It’s just a question of how bad you want to use them.
